It’s my birthday and I AM 40! I can barely even type that without having ALL the feels. I mean, how am I 40?! It just does not make sense to me at all as I feel like I am 30(ish) and I always thought 40 was soo old growing up. I have always felt younger than the number I am turning, but this for year really has me thinking.
Real Thoughts On Turning 40
Let me start by saying, there are SO many amazing things that come with aging- every year that has passed I have learned so much not only about myself, but about life in general. Things that seemed so important in my 20s are now trivial, but those things and experiences at that age are also what helped shape me into who I am today. I personally LOVED my 20s- I lived at the beach in San Diego, went to college at University of San Diego and honestly adored every minute of it! I 1000% lived life to the fullest and did not really have a care in the world. Plus I met Colby, who is was then a boyfriend, but is now my world! We got married when we were 27, which at the time didnt seem young, but now so does. But FOREVER grateful for the world bringing us together!
Fast forward to turning 30, my friends were starting to have babies and that freaked out me sooo much. Colby and I both are immature for our ages and were so not ready for that next step in life. I think that’s what stresses me out or bothers me the most about turning another year older- the rules/expectations that come with it. You go to college, you get a great job, you get married, you have 2 kids, you buy a house, you…… it goes on and on. But WHO made up that timeline? We all think we should live by it, but why? If that is or was your timeline, I am not saying that is bad, I am just saying I think that is what makes aging so difficult for me (and so many others).
Colby and I chose to not follow the rules and wait to have kids. I do not regret this at all as it was how we felt then. Sadly when we did decide to try (at 35), we did not have the luck as we assumed we would. We tried for years, saw a few doctors, tried some methods/things to help the situation and nothing worked. Because my dad has a sister with down syndrome and my older half sister has a daughter with special needs, we decided not to go the IVF route. I feel like the world would’ve pushed us to do more if it was right for us. I know we would be incredible parents and who knows, maybe we will adopt or I will magically get pregnant, but at the moment we are just enjoying our Bigs (our dog) and each other.
This Is Me
As I turn 40 today, I am so grateful for all I have been blessed with and am ready to just embrace it. Age is definitely just a number and we shouldn’t have to live by anyone else’s standards of what you should have done by a certain age, how you should dress, how you should look, how you should live…I never really talk about my age on my Instagram (mainly in fear that people will unfollow me or think I am old haha), but I am so over that. I personally LOVE an admire people who own who they are, so I need to follow suite. THIS IS ME!
Maybe it took being holed up in our house for the past year for me to realize this, but life is too short to just not be who YOU are and be ok with it. As 2020 comes to an end, I think we can all say you just never reallllllly know what is going to happen tomorrow, so we should all just enjoy every day we have here on earth and just be grateful to be here (no matter what age we are)!
And even though my 40th was supposed to be a HUGE celebration at a private estate with friends in Palm Desert (whatever 2020!), I am so excited to celebrate today + tonight with my little fam. We are going to do some fun SoCal things, visit our new house we are building and toast to 2021 hopefully being a little less stuck inside! Colby turned 40 back in September, so we both cannot wait to have a ginormous celebration once its ok again.
Thanks for so much for reading and for following along. Being able to do what I love for a living is what completes me and I hope to always inspire you girls to throw on those sequins + from now on, to be authentically YOU!
Hope you all have the happiest NYE! Cheers!